Have you ever felt yourself just tensely waiting at the starting line but the starting gun never fires. Well that’s my life at the moment. There is something — let’s call the situation — that has me grounded at a false start on repeat.
The last 3 years have been somewhat frustrating because I’ve got ideas and plans for my next chapter but ‘the situation’ is tying me down. The Situation in short was having to move back to Sydney to look after my father that has advanced dementia ….
However in 2020, whether you want to call it a New Years resolution or not, I personally don’t because resolutions tend to last all of 5 minutes, so I’d rather call them goals. I’m so ready to start striving towards my goal for 2020 — but The Situation is stopping me — all kinds of frustrating!
While my big dream for my next chapter has been growing for 5 years and became more of a Youtube obsession over the last 2 years as I research ‘my dream‘, I’ve been very guarded about what it is and only talked to a handful of people about it.
I know some people will have negative opinions and quite frankly I don’t want any negativity surrounding my next chapter. My dream has really been the inspiration to keep me going through the tough days caring for my dad. So it’s a very precious topic.
In the three years caring for my dad, his dementia declined fairly quickly to advanced stages. My life became about cleaning, preparing meals and fitting in work when I could, which is usually working late into the wee-hours of the next morning. I had to be home for breakfast, lunch and dinner which was very restricting. No social life, anything fun or travel. As I was living in Brisbane before I had to move home to Sydney to help with my dad, all my friends live in Brisbane, so I haven’t seen friends for well over 6 months. And in the last 6 months, Dad has been experiencing loss of memory, confusion and paranoia, and doesn’t recognise the people around him. He doesn’t like losing control of his own life or being told what to do, and even reached the stage of punching and spitting at me, and I even had his dinner and food thrown at me. We are in the process of applying to get him into a residential aged care home — but it’s a long process!
So I’ve decided to get that dream project started. I apologise for the secrecy but all will be revealed in due course. But I can tell you that this one element is the all encompassing solution for the rest of my dreams to fall into place.
So 2020 is going to be the start of something exciting .. wink wink.